7:24 – All right, time to get settled in. Subway in hand, taking my usual spot on the couch with Andy on the other one. The pregame show (is there a point to this?) was largely uneventful, minus a pretty entertaining interview with a mildly uncomfortable Ricky Rubio. His highlight reels showed him doing some Harlem Globetrotter shit to a bunch of slow white guys in Europe, which doesn’t exactly instill massive confidence. He looked great in the Olympics though, so whoever gets him should be fine. Also his future team will corner the market for 15 year old girls who mistakenly buy a t-shirt thinking he’s a Jonas brother.

7:28 – Oh, good, Dicky V is chiming in. I value his opinion.

7:34 – David Stern: “Greetings from the Madison Square Garden, home of the Knicks (yaaaay!) and the Liberty (….)” Stern thinks it’s a rowdy crowd. Sweet.

7:36 – Clippers blooper reel! Wait, they’ve only had two winning seasons in the last thirty years? I knew they were bad, but that’s astounding. Either Griffin’s knee will blow up the first day of camp, Zach Randolph will accidentally shoot him at the club, or Tom Cruise converts him to scientology.

7:39 – Clippers take Griffin with the first pick. Woohoo.

7:44 – Mike Dunleavy, lol. Blake Griffin’s dad looks like Ving Rhames.

7:46 – Grizzles take Thabeet. Whatever, we’ll forget about him in two years when he’s playing with Michael Olowokandi in Canada. Now the fun stuff starts.

7:51 – Thunder take Harden. I think it’s a great pick and he’s going to be a stud. Immediate upgrade over Sefolosha. I would have liked them to take a big man here – they need to at least go out in free agency and get someone better than Nenad Kristic – but Harden was probably the best available and he’ll be very fun to watch with Westbrook and Durant. Bilas with the comparison to Brandon Roy – they’re very different as far as style goes, but I think he’ll have that type of impact. These guys will be very fun to watch next year. It’s also noting that the interview subjects were bowties, facial hair, and asthma.

7:57 – Sacramento takes Tyreke Evans. Perfect pick. They needed something explosive, and he provides that. Beno Udrih, go sit your ass on the bench.

8:00 – Mark is here, first teleconference with Craig (the Insider), and Tyreke Evans is fucking dumb as a rock. Alright, Timberwolves get two picks here, let’s see what happens.

8:03 – Wolves take Ricky Rubio. He goes from scenic Spain to fucking MINNESOTA. You can basically see the disappointment in his face. Pretty good pick I guess, he’ll be fun to watch and Sebastian Telfair sure as shit wasn’t the point guard of the future. Now let’s see if he can guard anybody.

8:06 – Bilas’ best available is Jordan Hill. He fucking sucks, and I’ll laugh at whoever takes him.

8:10 – The T’Wolves take Jonny Flynn? First real head-scratcher of the draft. They know he’s another point guard, right? They don’t have a two guard on their roster! I guess we’ll wait on a trade announcement, but right now this makes no sense whatsoever. When the idiot fans on ESPN grade it an F, you know something’s up.

8:16 – Wow, Golden State takes Stephen Curry. Freeing up Jamal Crawford cap room makes a lot of sense now. He’ll be FUN to watch in Nellie-ball.

8:17 – “Hey Andy, if I were to ask you who led the league in double-doubles last year, who would you say?” … “It was David Lee, right?” Damn Andy, that’s some encyclopedia stuff right there.

8:19 – Steph Curry’s mom is so hot. Also, he’s gonna fit right in with Stephen Jackson.

8:21 – The Knicks take Jordan Hill and the fans hate it. Good, he sucks. WINGSPAN! GOOD ATHLETE! RUN THE FLOOR! Nevermind he can’t create his own shot, pass, or generally be a threat on offense. Awkward as hell interview too. I really hope this guy doesn’t turn out to be good so I don’t sound like an idiot.

8:27 – The Raptors take DeMar DeRozan. Uh, alright, whatever. They needed a 2-3, but this is a snoozer. He’ll be one of those guys with the Dunk Icon on 2K10, but he can’t really shoot or play defense.

8:29 – ESPN goes to commercial before the Milwaukee pick. Always kind of funny that the teams nobody cares about get absolutely no love. They’ll probably talk about the Dallas Cowboys instead of whoever the Bucks take.

8:33 – Bucks take Jennings. Good pick. The other exotic European guy (well, via Compton) goes the the second most boring city in the NBA. Sweet. Milwaukee. He, Redd, and Bogut will be pretty fun to watch though.

8:38 – Nets take Terrence Williams. Could have seen this one coming from a mile away after they traded Vinsanity. But nobody cares about this because it’s time for the …

8:39 – BOBCATS, WHO ARE ON THE CLOCK! I want Sam Young here, but he might be a little high here. They’ll take Gerald Henderson, and I’ll hate it, because I’ve had a grudge on that guy since the Hansbrough-bloody-mess incident. Yes, I hold a grudge. I actually think Henderson’s going to be a pretty good pro, but I still don’t want him. We’ll see what MJ and LB decide to do here.

8:45 – GOD DAMMIT. Ugh. Whatever, I hope he’s good. Ha, what a douchebag in the Duke jersey in the stands. Ben has a theory that Hendo is Kobe 2.0, and I don’t necessarily disagree with him.

8:50 – The Pacers take… Tyler Hansbrough? The fuck? Whatever. Andy makes the immediate observation that he joins Troy Murphy and Mike Dunleavy to make the pastiest, palest frontcourt in the history of basketball. I guess they’re trying to get rid of bad memories, as people in Indiana are trying to forget the Jamal Tinsley / Stephen Jackson era. Mark Brown quote of the night when showing the old Henderson/Hansbrough clip: “DAAAAAAH YOU MADE PAINT COME OUT OF MY NOSE!!!” “COACH SAID HE TAKE ME OUT FOR ICE CREAM IF I PLAY GOOD!!!”

8:55 – Suns take Earl Clark, and… Brandon Jennings comes out!! He’s all, “SUUUUP BITCHESSSSS!!!” and you can just see Stern wants to kill somebody. Earl Clark has good length! Wingspan! Nah, I really think Clark is going to be a hell of a player. He’s not a good fit in the old Phoenix system, but I think he can work pretty well in a more old-school system. I like the pick. I think he could be a Rashard Lewis type in a year or two.

9:02 – The Pistons take Austin Daye? I can’t think of a more “meh” pick. LENGTH! WINGSPAN!

9:05 – Dicky V likes Hansbrough? Color me surprised. And Stephen Curry! IT’S THE ONLY TWO GUYS HE’S EVER SEEN PLAY! WHY DOES HE HAVE THIS JOB?

9:08 – The Bulls take James Johnson. Good place for him to land. I hope he kickboxes Joakim Noah’s face off. I love this guy’s game. WINGSPAN! ATHLETICISM! LENGTH! And wow, it might be time to induct Steve Kerr to the Dick Clark hall of fame. The dude never ages.

9:12 – Sixers take Jrue Holiday. I thought he was a bit overrated coming in, but this is probably a pretty good value pick here. The kid has talent, and the Sixers don’t need anyone to contribute right away. Not bad Philly, not bad.

9:15 – Minnesota’s up again. Let’s see if they take another point guard, corner the market, and start dealing them out. Why not at this point. This was Mark’s idea, and I kinda like it.

9:18 – TY LAWSON! WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY DOING! THIS COULD BE ABSOLUTELY GENIUS! Or incredibly stupid. What the hell. I have no idea why the announcers aren’t even considering this.

9:22 – The Hawks take Jeff Teague. You could tell they wanted a different point guard, and they were all “FUCK you Minnesota, why you gotta take THREE?” He might be a fun spark plug off the bench behind Bibby and Crawford.

9:28 – Jazz take Eric Maynor. Good pick but nobody cares because…

9:29 – LARRY BROWN, COACH OF THE CHARLOTTE BOBCATS!!!! is being interviewed. Wow, NY people absolutely hate him. Boring as hell interview though. “Yeah, we took Gerald, we think he’s gonna be pretty good. Uhhh, yeah, we were improved last year…. Yup.”

9:33 – Hornets select Darren Collison? Wow. Minnesota really did drive the market value down, goodness. I guess Collison gives you some decent cheap backup minutes for Paul, but you could do a lot better there.

9:34 – Portland will take Sam Young, because they’re smart. Watch this.

9:38 – Portland selects… Victor Claver. Oh. What? I was distracted, but his highlight reel looks pretty stock for a random European crappy guy. We’ll see how that pans out.

9:44 – The Kings take the Israeli guy! He has an awesome Beatles haircut. We will never hear this guy’s name again.

9:47 – Andy’s team is up next. If they take DaJuan Blair or B.J. Mullens, he’s throwing something. I still say Sam Young or even Ellington.

9:49 – Dallas takes BJ MULLENS BAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH. Andy has been RAILING on BJ Mullens the whole night. I cannot wait to see his reaction.

9:55 – The Thunder take a Frenchie who can jump out of the gym and switch places with Dallas. Ok, now that makes a little more sense. The Thunder need a tall dude, and even though, he’s shitty, BJ Mullens actually fits that mold. I know nothing about the French guy, but his highlight reel looks exciting, so we’ll see. Nice Alexis Ajinca sighting behind the guy who just got drafted too. Ben just went to get frosties, sweet.

10:00 – Chicago takes Taj Gibson. We’re officially getting into the doldrums of the first round here. I think DeJuan Blair would have made more sense, but Gibson gives you a little shot blocking anyway.

10:05 – Memphis takes the guy who was getting shat on in the earlier highlight reels. Apparently he has liver disease and a really insignificant game.

10:11 – Minnesota takes Wayne Ellington and ships Lawson to Denver for their first round pick for next year. Nothing about this team makes sense, but Wayne’s not a bad pick here.

10:13 – Nice love for Carolina here and a nice little interview with Roy. Cool. Can’t wait to see where Danny ends up.

10:16 – NY moves up to the 29 spot and swaps Quentin Richardson for Darko. NY fans freak out. They then take Toney Douglas from FSU. I like his game a lot, but I’m also insanely biased toward the ACC. Minus the Jordan Hill pick, the Knicks are making some pretty decent moves here.

10:21 – With the last pick of the draft, Cleveland takes… Christian Eyenga. Stern sits there uncomfortably while he makes his way down from the upper deck. Why do these teams not want Sam Young?

That’s it for me, folks. Time to enjoy the hilarity of the second round!

Related posts:

1. NBA Draft 2009: First Round Grades and Other Random Thoughts
2. NBA Draft: More Thoughts
3. NBA Draft: Minnesota Misses the Point, San Antonio Steals Some Studs
4. Tackling Controversy: Part III – NBA All Star Game