2009 NBA Draft:

Emperor Stern steps up to the podium, goes through the usual formalities, and incurs a serenade of boos and “La-kers suck.” Knicks fans are in full effect. He finishes his opening spill with the obligatory intro of the Clipshow pick, followed by a montage of Clipper futility and shots of the Clipper board room.

Clips – Opening pick goes as planned; now its time for the real show to begin, Memphis is on the clock during a typical stock highlight reel of Blake Griffin. Clipshow Grade: A

Hilarious videoconference with the ever incompetent Mike Dunleavy Sr. The man was simply emotionless, and looks like he has already butchered this season, and is not bothered in the least.

Grizz – decide on Hasheem Thabeet, not that surprising; however, Memphis still needs to address the quality of their backcourt. Honestly, I’d say Darko will be moving on in the near future. As for Thabeet, seems as though his ceiling will be Mutumbo, not really an awe inspiring number 2. Grade: B-

OKC – James Harden. Solid pick, that backcourt looks imposing on paper. This’ll be a fun team to watch, especially if they get out and run a little bit. However, their bigs are still pitiful, so it will be some time before this squad is legitimate. Grade: B+

Sacto – Tyreke Evans. Seems to be a no brainer here for the Kings; they need much more help, but Evans should add a lot right off the bat with his considerable versatility. Grade: B

Minne – Rubio. Nice, seems like that foye/miller was designed for this scenario. Wonder how they’re gonna play the 6^th pick. Grade: A-

Minne – Flynn. Wow…don’t get this one in the least. Why would they take back to back point guards. Honestly, I like what Flynn is about; however, not 6^th pick worthy. Perhaps this is a grand scheme scenario, or perhaps Minne still doesn’t know what they’re doing. Grade: C-

GSW – Curry. Nellie ball, nuff said. The Knicks fans in the crowd are expectedly disappointed. Wonder what this entails for Monta Ellis…Bilas plugging Stephen’s craftiness, I thoroughly enjoy that concept. Also, that suit Curry is wearing is phenomenal. Grade: B+

Knicks – Jordan Hill. Knicks fans are still angry, as always; however, he fits the up and down system very well with his abundance of length and athleticism, solid pick up for the Knicks. Interview with Donnie Walsh…waiting for him to tell the crowd to shut the hell up, we can’t take Curry at 8 if he’s already gone. Grade: B-

Raps – DeRozan. Not sold on this kid yet, fits in with the needs of the Raptors, but w/e, we’ll see. Grade: C+

Just noticed that Mark Jackson is slightly position biased…continues to determine that every team needs to pick a point guard.

Bucks – Brandon Jennings. Straight outta Compton/Italy. Nice pick up for Milwaukee, but this seems eerily similar to Bassy Telfair, just saying. This squad is still completely irrelevant though. Grade: B-

Nets – Terrance Williams. As expected from the Carter trade, opened the 2-guard slot up for Williams. I like this guy a lot, he’ll be a very solid player, potential all-star here. Grade: A

Bobcats – This pick always holds the potential for hilarity. Gerald Henderson, another ACC product. The toolbag in the Duke jersey makes a complete ass of himself in the crowd. Good pick, fits well, I’m slightly surprised with the seeming competence from Charlotte. Grade: B+

Pacers – Hansbrough. Wow, this seems a tad premature for my taste. But now its Mike Dunleavy, Troy Murphy, and to cap it off…Hansbrough, amusing combo deployed by Larry Legend. This actually fits pretty well, although they are in dire need of a legit point guard. I’m actually intrigued to watch the Pacers this upcoming year. Grade: C+

Suns – Earl Clark. Underrated talent, my sleeper pick, really wished he woulda slipped down late, so Dallas could’ve scooped him up. Great pick in my opinion, also, perhaps this is a fill in for the rumored exit of Amare. Grade: A-

Earl is absent, which sets the stage for the unorthodox Brandon Jennings, who decides to show up in this slot and fulfill his interview now. He proceeds to undermine the college route, touting his growth in Europe…Stern cannot be happy with this interview.

Detroit – Austin Daye. Don’t really know a great deal about this one…I like the versatility, the length and stroke always intrigue me; however, I don’t know how he fits with Detroit’s style. Grade: C-

Bulls – James Johnson. Next gen Tim Thomas…I like this kid already. Oddly enough, as it stands now, he can even be mentored by Tim. On a more serious note, this guy has an NBA ready skill set and body, so the potential to do work is there. Grade: B+

Philly – Jrue. Makes perfect sense here…means they believe Andre is on his way out. Continues the compilation of young talent. I don’t really believe that Holiday will be a stud, but that’s just me. Grade: C

Minne (again, jeez…) – Hahaha, wow…that was hilarious for a minute. A third PG in Ty Lawson. This pick going to Denver, which makes a lot more sense, and somewhat quells the raucous laughter here… Grade: C-

Hawks – Jeff Teague. The best of whats left, seems like Atlanta’s pick is a leftover deal since Minne snatched nearly all the other PGs available. I’m not completely sold on the PG skills of Teague, maybe it’ll work if they hold on to Mike Bibby as a mentor. However, seems as if they have a log-jam in the backcourt now (if they let Bibby and Flipmode go it’s a different story however). Grade: C

Jazz – Eric Maynor. Excellent pick for Utah, they were in dire need for a solid back-up for D-Will, and this fits the bill. He will orchestrate the second unit like a true PG should, I like this call. Grade: A

NOH – Darren Collison. Undersized role guy at best, don’t see it here…seems like they already have that in Devin Brown, but w/e. A desperate stab in the dark at best. Grade: D+

Portland – Expecting something intelligent here, one of the few franchises that seem to be trying. Victor Claver…hmmm, haven’t the slightest here. A project here apparently, I suppose I should trust the judgment of the Blazers at this point, but seems like this is a reach. Grade: B-

Kings – Omri Casspi. Another project, obscure and irrelevant. Next up is my pick of interest, holding my breath for the Mavericks….Grade: C-

Dallas – UUUGGGGHHHHH. Mullins…This dude is so sorry….a waste of a pick. Thoroughly disappointed and disgusted. We already have a run through a plethora of sucks bigs, why go through more…I mean look at him… Grade: F

OKC – Rodrigue Beaubois?? Never heard of him. Grade: D

Update…yes!!! we don’t have to struggle through Mullins, let’s see what this Beaubois dude is about, cool name, that’s a good start.

Bulls – Taj Gibson. Seems as though they have quite enough swingmen, perhaps Luol Deng is on his way out along with Ben Gordon…I dunno. Grade: C-

Memphis – DeMarre Carroll. A running punchline thus far because all the earlier reels of Griffin and Thabeet included this guy being punished. I don’t see it, but depth is an issue at this point. Grade: C

Minne – All signs point to yet another point guard. Wow a two guard here, Wayne Ellington. They were in desperate need for a 2, so it makes sense for them. Will fit well on the break with Rubio and helps the kick out game from Big Al. Grade: B

Called it! Darko has been shipped from Memphis to New York for Q. I think Darko will flourish in D’Antoni’s system…and a bonus Q and D-Miles have been reunited! Despite the chagrin of the Knicks fans in attendance, I’m thoroughly pleased with this move.

LAL (for the Knicks) – Toney Douglas. Nice…fits well here, New York is actually restructuring the roster in an interesting manner. I’m looking forward to this squad. Grade: B

Cleveland – Christian Eyenga. The highlight reel looked straight (of course), still seems irrelevant. Grade: D+

And that concludes this year’s first round…

Random Thoughts:

Darko Milicic will win the NBA most improved player award next year.

Terrence Williams is a sleeper pick, may give a run for ROY.

Second round announcer seems to be excited to be there (Adam Silver), he’s all smiles…the fans finally have found someone they can’t boo…the announcement of the Darko trade was made with the sort of smirk that implied, “Yea, I feel ya back there…” I kinda enjoy this guy better than Emperor Stern, he’s chipper at the same time as laid back, straight cheezing everytime he comes out…he should be on the next ESPN panel.

Young and Blair with the unexpected extreme slippage…Can’t believe that the Spurs have stolen Blair at 37

Henk Norel aka Tha Flying Dutchman (that’s now copywritten, don’t even think about it Stu Scott) …ranking as the most hilarious pick tonight…averaged like 5 pts for some scrub Dutch team, and is an NBA player…I’m amused and depressed at the same time.

Phoenix has become the dumping ground for the “other brother” picks: Robin Lopez, and now Taylor Griffin…that would be a hilarious frontcourt, they must play together in the second unit, unintentional comedy needs this.

The greatness of Patrick Chewing never gets old…That same commercial, with defenseless Ryan, has been played at least 10 times…and I’ve cracked up every single time. That ad is pure gold.

Related posts:

1. NBA Draft Diary – 2009
2. NBA Draft: More Thoughts
3. NBA Draft: Minnesota Misses the Point, San Antonio Steals Some Studs
4. Tackling Controversy: Part III – NBA All Star Game
5. NBA Free Agency: Off and Running (UPDATED…..again)